I highly recommend Paul Tripp’s book Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens. The book is so helpful. And in connection with Thanksgiving and the approaching holidays, some issues may arise about our standards. Merriam-Webster Online defines standards as “ideas about morally correct and acceptable behavior.”[1] Each family develops their own standards based on a variety of influences (family background, cultural influences, religious observances, etc.). But with the meeting of families differences become apparent. Sometimes questions may arise on the part of our students such as, “Why does so-and-so get to do that?” or “Her parents allow her to go to that movie! Why can’t I?”. These questions have to do with our standards, what we have come to believe to be morally correct or acceptable, and consequently what is not.

“Real convictions are based on…truth. Preferences are based on…desire.” Tripp

Being with family presents many opportunities to discuss differences in standards. But there is another aspect that would behoove us to both learn and develop: preferences versus convictions. Tripp writes, “Real convictions are based on revealed truth (that is, Scripture). Preferences are based on personal desire….Our teenagers need to understand the difference between a conviction and a preference.”[2] Thus, as parents/guardians, we need to develop a deeper understanding of a conviction. This will allow us to present truth to our students while at the same time allowing differences in standards and a willingness to acknowledge the validity of others’ views. The opportunities afforded by interacting with families are invaluable.

<a href=”″><img src=”; alt=”Tweet: Conviction or preference? How to handle differences…; /></a>

But how do we determine a conviction? Some people may do so for emotional reasons. A family member may have developed an addiction to drugs by spending time downtown, and so the parents decide their students will never go downtown. Or a guardian might have had an issue with gang related violence and so vehemently avoids a particular color of clothing. But is this really a conviction? If a conviction is really based on Scripture, then it must be based on a well-developed, researched, and thought-out investigation. Here are six aspects to help us determine whether something is a conviction or just a preference.

  • A biblical conviction is always based on a study of, submission to, and application of Scripture.
  • A biblical conviction is always predetermined.
  • A biblical conviction will not change with the circumstances.
  • A biblical conviction is inflexible.
  • A biblical conviction is bold.
  • A biblical conviction is always lived out.[3]

It might be helpful to sit down with your student and discuss this. In fact, what a great way to help develop their critical thinking skills by applying it to the study and living out of Scripture! This truly is an age of opportunity. I cannot image sitting down with my four-year-old daughter London and attempting this. I am sure the conversation would be amusing to say the least! But imagine sitting down with your thirteen-year-old student and working through why it is best to wait for God’s chosen spouse for sex. How might this empower them? How might this help them develop of love for God’s grace in their lives?

So as the holidays approach, spend time determining what is your conviction and what is your preference. Learn to communicate this with your students. Conversations will come up about what other people do and allow. Hopefully this will help give you food for thought!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! And…


“The LORD bless you and keep you;

the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;

the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

(Numbers 6.24-26, NIV)

[1] accessed 23 November 2016

[2] Paul D. Tripp, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens (Phillipsburg, Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Company: 2001), 131-132.

[3] Tripp, Age of Opportunity, 132-133.

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