In 2 Corinthian 10:12 Paul writes, “Not that we dare to class or compare ourselves with some of those who recommend themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.” (NABRE)
Comparing ourselves happens to us all. If you are a businesswoman, you may compare your dress to another. If you are mechanic, you may see your tools as old and dirty compared to another’s. A student may compare their aptitude for learning with another. A pastor may compare his congregation to another’s. The list could go on and on forever. We are all constantly being tempted with comparing ourselves with others.
I am reminded of James 1:14. In his letter to the “twelve tribes of the dispersion” (1:1) James provides a brief look at temptation. He states, “Rather, each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.” (NABRE) This desire is fueled when we are lured and enticed. It is, in fact, when we see other possibilities that our desires are ignited. For a biblical example, see the interaction between Adam and Eve in Genesis 3:1-7.
Now, why bring all of this up? I recently read an article from The Banner of Truth magazine about a puritan preacher by the name of Thomas Boston. He was expounding on Romans 8:18, focusing on the suffering that we endure. Mr. Brooks refers to it as “crooks”. [Ian Hamilton, “The Crook in the Lot”, The Banner of Truth (April 2017, Issue 643), 2.]
These crooks are “unforeseen troubles (‘thorns’) that afflict, unsettle, or disturb us in any way.” [Ian Hamilton, “The Crook in the Lot”, The Banner of Truth (April 2017, Issue 643), 1.]
If you are still reading and wondering, “What does this have to do with comparing ourselves?” Hang on! It is coming. One final reference to Mr. Boston’s work. The difficulty of facing different crooks is that we see others and belief that they do not experience the same strains that we do. I provide Mr. Hamilton’s lengthy quote,
“It is one of the devil’s stratagems to try to persuade us that other people don’t have the crooks in their lot that we have. Comparisons truly are odious. You and I never really know what is going on in the lives of others (we barely know what is going on most of the time in our own lives!).” [Ian Hamilton, “The Crook in the Lot”, The Banner of Truth (April 2017, Issue 643), 2.]
So here they are…
3 Tips for Avoiding Comparisons
Tip #1- Avoid looking at the best of others’ lives
One of the sad repercussions of social media is the furthering of FOMO (fear of missing out). The negative result of seeing the best and happiest of times in others is that we believe our lives to be boring, or drab. The same can be said of clothing. When we post a selfie we are wearing our best clothes, or our hair is just right. Or our homes, jobs, school, etc. Or we see those Pintrest projects and try to emulate them, and the results are disasters.
The danger of this is that we don’t actually see what is going on behind the scenes! For example, if I post a picture of my beautifully children smiling and happy, you don’t see the struggles to get them to stay still, smile, and do it together. Often, when we carry this thought process through, it prevents us from making the comparisons of our imperfect lives with those of the picture-perfect lives of others.
Tip #2- Avoid forgetting about their problems
Along the same lines of tip number one, this tip requires empathy from us. As we look at the pictures, or hear the stories of others, one important aspect is that we remember people are going through similar issues, as are we. The fact is that others are going through difficult circumstances, and it is not a normal matter for us to provide everyone a recourse of the sorrows and struggles in our lives.
Taking a moment to contemplate the complications in others’ lives helps us from comparing ourselves with others.
Tip #3- Avoid looking at others
This tip may require a little more sacrifice on our behalf. Simply avoid opportunities to look at others! Perhaps an example will prove helpful. I really enjoy Facebook and Twitter. I love finding out about others’ lives, what is happening at various institutions, and keeping up with families who live at great distances. One thing about using these mediums is that it gives fuel to our comparing fires. Simply saying “no” to them prevents us from seeing only the positives in the lives of others.
The same can be said of going shopping. When we do not see all the clothing that we do not own, we don’t compare nearly as much. We also become more thankful for the clothing we do have!
So, how are we doing? Do we find ourselves comparing ourselves with others? Spend a few minutes and begin implementing these tips, and enjoy the freedom and peace that comes along with it.