Complementarianism Revisited

Families are essential part of society, and even more so of the Church. God created the family and uses it to teach the Gospel. We begin on the foundation of these two truths:

  • God created families- see Genesis 2:15-25
  • God uses the husband and wife relationship to teach the Gospel- see Ephesians 5:22-33

I love to study. Whether it is theology or not, I enjoy learning new things. I love contemplating deep thoughts as well. But one of the aspects of my personality is a drive for practicality. How will this change my life? And as a follower of Jesus, I want to know how this can help me love God more and love my fellow neighbors more?

With this background understanding, I studied the different viewpoints on the husband-wife relationship. In my studies, specifically of the family, I came across a different viewpoint from which I was taught. I attended a small Bible college, and though the name complementarian was not used, a form of it was taught. I think, in general, the view held by this institution and churches associated with it, it was more a radical approach. Perhaps an illustration will be helpful. The husband comes home after a long day at the office. He is tired, wearied by the day’s work. As a result, he desires to come home, sit down in his favorite rocking chair, and eat in silence while he watches the television. Thus his wife is to prepare the meal, have everything prepared for him, and keep the children quiet while the husband unwinds. Whenever the husband desires to have sex, the wife is not to deny him on the basis of 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. This king-of-the-castle approach to marriage is how I was taught the roles of marriage. During my time at this institution (as well as my interactions with other churches) I saw both positive marriages and marriages that functioned to the illustration above.

One thing I came to believe is that there had to be a better way. Why? Because the verse often left out was Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, as Chris loved the church and game himself up for her.” There was this lack of self-sacrificing love from the views of marriage taught by the institution and accompanying churches. As a result, and much to my own blame, I began to seek the opposite view: egalitarianism.

Egalitarianism is the belief of equality in marriage. The husband does not have any specific role to play, nor does the wife. If the wife decides to be the leader, she can be. Likewise with the husband. There are several passages of Scripture that those who teach egalitarianism utilize. Perhaps the most significant one is Galatians 3:28, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

So, I was taught a radical form of complementarianism, moved to egalitarianism, and am slowly making my way back to a biblical view of complementarianism.

How in the world did this happen?

To begin with, I love to study! You may be thinking, “Didn’t I just read that?” Yes, you did. But it is a matter of importance, the significance of which cannot be overstated. Because I desire to study and seek what Scripture states, I desire to be accurate, to achieve truth. Scripture is an open book, given by God for His glory and our good (see Deuteronomy 29:29). In the effort to be brief, I will provide bullet-points of the most significant reasons for this new transition.

  • Complementarianism pictures the Gospel in Marriage in a way that Egalitarianism cannot.
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    The role of husband and wife has the specific purpose of illustrating the love Jesus has for His Church (see Ephesians 5:29, 32). Complementarianism allows for the unique beauty, worth, and significance of both the husband and wife. Simultaneously, it also allows the headship of the husband (a picture of the headship of Christ) and the submission of the wife (a picture of the submission of the Church to Christ) without debasing either. Certainly, an abuse of the roles is contrary to Scripture as well as a distortion of the Gospel. Egalitarianism, however, is unable to paint the same picture. Mutual submission, yes. And this can be seen in Ephesians 5:21. But mutual submission cannot be a picture of the Gospel, and therefor complementarianism lends itself to the more biblical view.

  • Complementarianism, when properly practiced, is a picture of the Gospel in your home, community, and church.

    Because God ordained marriage between husband and wife to be the living picture of His incredible grace, it is used by God to reach others. I think about my children and hope that the love my wife and I share lead them to God. Our communities, constantly debating what marriage is or how one should define a family, need the rock of certainty found within the family as the Gospel. The Church, the “pillar and buttress of the truth” ( 1 Timothy 3:15), is to be the body of Christ (Romans 12:5, 1 Corinthians 12:12-27). That is, the Church is the Gospel Living. Egalitarianism is a reflection of our society more than of the Gospel. Certain aspects of it are appealing. That is why I was and still drawn to it. I love the teamwork atmosphere. However, Egalitarianism does not picture the Gospel in the way that Complementarianism does.

  • Complementarianism enjoys the breadth of Scriptural support.

    This one is a little more difficult, and one that I am in the process of working through. Scripture is written to individuals in specific places at specific times. The world of Scripture was a heavily male-dominated society. Today we enjoy more equality, with women enjoying many aspects of life previously unattainable. However, something must be said that it is within those times that God decided to provide His truth. From Genesis to Revelation, Scripture consistently places the husband as the head (please note head and not king) of the home. The issues faced by many who object to complementarianism (myself included) are not issues with God’s views, but mankind’s execution of it. The fact that Scripture solely functions within the complementarian view is astounding and must weigh heavily in our understanding.

So where does this leave us? Perhaps I will put together a small series on the topic. Either way, I am constantly thinking, constantly searching the Scriptures. Let us, as we search the Scriptures, seek God’s wisdom on every issue. Likewise, let us seek to practice the Scripture as God intended.

 

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How to Love Others More

Have you ever had trouble loving people? Is there a co-worker who just grinds your gears? Or an in-law (or blood relative) that knows how to irritate you beyond comprehension?

We all have been there. I know I have. I remember someone I used to work for, and this individual would purposely do some really hurtful actions. I never murdered this individual, but I can sadly say I had so not-so-fond thoughts.

Most people know some of the Ten Commandments, one of which is, ‘You shall not kill.’ (Exodus 20:13, NAB) I’m working on a sermon that addresses this verse. Initially, I was intrigued. I have spent more than half of my life in church and have heard this command numerous times. The excitement of a new study excited me.

So, I set to work. Initially I began with a note pad and pen (which is my custom). However, about five minutes into my research I realized this job required something bigger. So I borrowed a white board from another room and set to work. In about ten minutes I had recorded most of the important material related to my study.18588963_10208822612382542_2713873779717572604_o

It was during this time of research that I found something incredible, and one that, I hope, will enable me to be more faithful in my love of others.

The word used for killing in Exodus 20:13 is רצח. I began looking for other usages of this, and once completed I summarized it with a basic definition of “to deprive of life.” Now, this is a very basic definition, I know. For in some instances, depriving something of life may save others. Or, it could provide the necessary sustenance for continued life. But for my study, I began to look at life in Scripture. Of course, life began in Genesis 1:20-28 with the creation of animal life and ultimately crowned with humanity. (You can check out my thoughts on the creation of האדם in a previous post.) Life, or נפש, is the key to our appreciation and ultimate love for humanity (and animal life too!).

Humans, however, are different. We were created בעלם אלוהים. And so, because humanity is the image of God, our lives are intrinsically valuable. That is, we matter because God matters. Or, God’s image in us makes humanity intrinsically worthy.

Now, it is possible to simply gloss over that. Chances are, you already did. But in the off chance that you are reading this contemplatively, humanity is intrinsically valuable.

It is not a particular religion, a sexual orientation, or a political party that makes humanity worthy. It is the fact that they are human.

It is not a particular religion, a sexual orientation, or a political paevelyn-paris-33498.jpgrty that makes a human being excellent. It is the fact that they are a human being.

It is not the color of one’s skin, the level of intelligence, or the physical or mental capacity that makes a human being invaluable. It is the fact that they are a human being.

Because “When God created human beings, he made them in the likeness of God; he created them male and female.” (Genesis 5:1b-2a, NAB) That is what makes a human being worthy.lechon-kirb-25696

Now, how does this help us love others more? When we stop looking at people in categories, we start to what is really there: people. She is not a Muslim, she is a human being created in the image of God. He is not queer, he is a human being created in the image of God.

When you and I begin to see God in others, our ability to love them is transformed. That is why Paul could write, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free person, there is not male and female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28, NAB) There is humanity, gloriously and wonderfully bearing God’s image.

Do my words convey my belief that people are created in the image of God? Unfortunately, not always. But I am reminded of the weight of such ill-used words in Matthew 5:21-26. The Rabbis of Jesus’ day had broken the law down to manageable loads. In fact, the commandment regarding killing was boiled down to simple murder. As long as you don’t murder anyone, you’re good! (If these were the true standards, we would be much better off!) But Jesus wouldn’t let that slide. God’s standards are infinitely higher than we could ever imagine. Murder, as expressed in Exodus 20:13, does not involve just the literal taking of life. It goes beyond that to our words, the very basis of our communication to others. Whether it is Raqa or fool, if it does not proceed from the view of love and value, we are in trouble. (By the way, this does not absolve us for confronting errors, for in the next few chapters Jesus does just that, as well as recommending it in Matthew 7:1-5.)

So, are you having trouble loving others? Just see them the way God sees them: image bearers. I am amazed at what I can overlook when I see someone as a person, uniquely, incredibly, and fantastically made בעלם אלוה’ם.

P.S. I do not mean to convey that our own sins and shortcomings do not need to be addressed. When Jesus was speaking with the woman caught in adultery, his words were, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” (John 8:11, ESV) While Jesus saw her humanity, he did not simply condone her sin. Likewise, it would be a mistake in the desire to love others that we would ignore sin in our own lives.

Walking Through Genesis- Chapter 29

In chapter 29 Jacob arrives at his destination, finds the woman of his dreams, and then through a series of events begins what had to be the most dysfunctional family in the Bible.

To begin, he makes his way to a well where shepherds have gathered to water their sheep. Whenever Rachel arrives he is love struck. I can sympathize with him, for whenever I see my wife I feel as though I could move a mountain. And that is just about what Jacob does! He moves the stone away and begins to help water the sheep. Then after some crying and kissing, he goes on to meet Laban, Rachel’s father (who also happens to be Rebekah’s brother and Jacob’s uncle).

After the emotional meeting of the families, the real trouble begins. I don’t know about you, but I almost enjoy seeing Jacob get a little taste of his own medicine. Laban and Jacob reach an agreement on the price for Rachel’s hand in marriage. Jacob serves his time and works for his goal. The day finally came and Jacob is married. The next day he discovers that he had been deceived! Laban switched daughters and gave Jacob Leah instead! I always am reminded of how Jacob had deceived his father and cheated his brother, how Isaac lied about Rachel being his wife, and how Abraham started it with his lies about Sarah.

Either way you look at it, the whole situation is messy. Laban then agrees to allow Jacob to work for Rachel (again). Jacob serves his time (again). He finally is awarded with his precious wife! They marry and then more trouble comes. Of course the time span that takes place in this chapter is large (14+ years!) but eventually the two wives (and their concubines) give birth to twelve sons to Jacob.

What can we learn from all this? A whole lot!

To begin with, as the old saying goes, what goes around comes around! The Bible calls this “sowing and reaping” (see Galatians 6.7-8). In Jacob’s case his deception of his father brought about his being deceived. How often do we do someone wrong or commit some unknown sin, only to have the same thing done to us in the future! This is a good initiative for us not do things to others just for the simple fact that it will come back to bite us. (Not that this should be a main reason, but it is a good motivator!)

Another lesson we can learn is that we should deal honestly with people. If we make an agreement we should avoid any future changes. We should be up front and state our business plainly. Jess said it this way, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” (Matt. 5.37, ESV)

Perhaps the biggest lesson we can learn is to keep the family the way God intended, one man and one woman (see Genesis 2.24). Imagine the grief that Jacob would have avoided being satisfied with one wife! (I understand that Leah is not the one he loved nor the one he had worked for, but the fact that he consummated the marriage without knowing it was not Rachel is a little odd.) When we attempt to overstep the boundaries God has placed on us we place ourselves on the top of a slippery slope.

Let’s place ourselves on firm ground and not make the same mistakes that these people did! What are some things you see in this account in Jacob’s life that we can learn from? Please feel free to share!

Walking through Genesis- Chapter 22

Chapter 22 is one of the most perplexing and yet beautiful passages of Scripture in Genesis, and perhaps the entire Hebrew Bible. It is the test of Abraham, where God sees if Abraham really believed God. The story line is rather linear, Abraham is told by God to sacrifice Isaac, the son that he loved, on a mountain God would tell him. Abraham immediately obeys,saddles his donkey, and takes two young men with him. They make the journey. But before they reach the mountain Abraham instructs his two servants to stay behind while he and Isaac went to sacrifice. And then Abraham said that they would return.

This chapter has greater significance now that I have two children. Abraham displayed a depth of faith that I cannot imagine. When I hold me little girl or my son I cannot imagine anything bad happening to them, especially from my own hands. Even knowing, as Abraham seemed to, that God would raise them from the dead, it would still be too hard. But Abraham went through with it, and before he actually sacrificed Isaac the Lord stopped him. While God did provide them a lamb (see verse 13), God would eventually provide THE LAMB, His own Son, Whom He loves, Jesus of Nazareth. When we look at the account in this light it brings on a much greater significance. And the implications are almost as numerous as the stars. Our focus, however, is that whenever God asks us to do something, remember how he sent His own Son for our sins.