Lessons I learned from the Birth of Our Son

It has been several weeks since I have completed a single post. My personal goal is to publish a blog at least once a week (on Thursdays) and if I am able to twice a week (on Tuesdays). However, our family recently added a fourth child to the mix, Calvin Knox. The last three weeks have been a trial and a half! From the rough labor to the unknown problems, little Calvin’s arrival has brought a great deal of stress to our family.

Now, this is not to say that we do not love him. We adore him!

Soren holding Calvin for the first time.

He has already been such a blessing and wonderful addition to our family. Our other three children absolutely love him, and my wife and I enjoy simply staring at his cute, old-man looking face. But with his arrival came a lot of stress.

First, we think the labor was difficult for him. My wife spent over 21 hours in labor, and it seems that his head was a little crooked in the birth canal. In addition, the doctor had to use a vacuum to get Calvin out. Calvin’s head, as you can imagine, had a lot of trauma. The doctor assured us, though, that he would be fine and the swelling would go down within a few weeks.

Second, several of his toes are fused together. My wife and I find it adorable, but the doctor was concerned that there might be an underlining genetic issue.

This is Soren’s hearing test. It was one of many tests this little guy endured.

They told us that everything looked good with his vitals and that he would probably need light surgery to correct the fusing. Again, it seemed that everything would be fine.

Third, while we were at the hospital, one of Calvin’s pediatricians requested an ultrasound of his kidneys. We were not aware of this, and my wife and I became very nervous. All three of our other children never had an ultrasound of anything on them, and so we began to worry about our little boy. The pediatrician explained that she wanted to check on his kidneys because Calvin’s tummy was extended, there may be a problem with his kidneys. Everything checked out fine, though.

Fourth, while we were at the hospital, Calvin seemed to be feeding well. He only lost a small amount of weight, and everything looked as though he were doing fine. At the first post-hospital appointment (Monday morning), however, Calvin had lost a significant amount of weight.

My sweet wife, Hannah, holding our second son and fourth child. 

He was not getting enough milk, and the doctor was very concerned. The pediatrician found that his mouth was small, the roof of his mouth was high, and his suck was weak. He would have difficulty eating, and though she offered several suggestions to help the little fella, she suggested we talk to a pathologist.

Fifth, at the next appointment (Thursday of the same week), Calvin’s temperature was low (96). With the coronavirus, only Hannah was allowed to accompany Calvin, and when I received a call, Hannah was upset. She said the doctor was sending Calvin to the Shriner’s Hospital in Greenville for possible sepsis. At this point, my wife and I were extremely worried about Calvin. It seemed for every step forward he took three steps back. My mom drove to pick up our three older children, while Hannah and I went to Shriner’s. Again, because of the coronavirus, only one parent was allowed. My brave wife accompanied our little boy, while I waited in the parking lot.

This period was unsettling. I was away from our other children, our newborn son, and my wife. I was completely helpless. I recently completed a study through Psalm 119 of the word affliction. Two of the verses that contain that word came to mind, no doubt due to our gracious God the Spirit: Psalm 119:71 and 92.

Our daughter, London, holding Calvin for the first time.

These two verses, along with Romans 8:28, provided a tidal wave of encouragement. I prayed and begged God for His healing of our little boy, for strength for my wife, and for His name to be glorified in everything.

While in the parking lot, I attempted to work. But it is almost impossible in such a situation to concentrate on anything else. I tried waiting in the ER waiting room, but they closed it, again due to the coronavirus. After discussing it with my wife, I headed home. I was completely alone, my mom even took our dog, Levi. It was eerily quiet. There were no children running around, singing songs or whistling, no dog barking, just silence. My wife’s thirtieth birthday was the coming Sunday, and so I wrapped her presents, not sure at this point if she would be home.

Later that evening (Thursday still) my wife called and told me all the tests that they would be running. It was a huge list, requiring at least a two-day stay at the hospital. The doctor told her that, if Calvin tested positive for sepsis, he would possibly need a 14-21 day stay. With each update, my wife received it seemed Calvin’s condition was becoming worse. Now my wife was upset, obviously, but she was trusting in the Lord in a way that she had never done before. Her faith in our sovereign God was displayed in a strong way, and I could not be more proud of her!

Friday came and with it, I went back to Shriner’s. I waited in the parking lot, once again, attempting to work and complete some assignments for school. My wife called and had me meet her. This was the first time we had seen each other in 24 hours, but it seemed like a month. Calvin was doing well, but we were still waiting for several test results. Many people all over the country were praying for our little Calvin, and it still overwhelms me at the love and care so many have shown our family.

Friday afternoon I decided to go and get our older children. With the unknown hospital stay, and with the fact that I was missing them like crazy, we decided to bring them back home. I was excited to get our children together! They asked questions about Calvin and momma, and the older two prayed for their little brother.

Ellie loves her little brother “Cauvin”! 

Friday evening my wife said that two of the three tests came back negative for sepsis, and things started to look up. They scheduled a full-body x-ray to check for any bone defects, at which Calvin would have been referred to a genetic specialist. The X-ray came back negative for any issues, and once again we were overwhelmed by God’s graciousness.

Saturday morning came and the doctor told Hannah that if the last test came back negative, she could take Calvin home. It was better than Christmas morning! We were excited and could not wait to get our family back together.

I took the other three children and ran a couple of errands, eagerly awaiting a call from Hannah saying she and Calvin would be released. We returned home after the errands and right after I unloaded the last bag my phone rang. It was Hannah. I answered it and Hannah said, “We’re coming home!” Even typing this brings tears to my eyes. In a whirlwind of activity and concern, God answered the prayers of many of His children, graciously allowing our little Calvin to be well and return home. I loaded the kids back into the van and headed straight to the hospital where my beautiful bride and precious son were awaiting.

I cannot explain why God allowed us to go through this. But what I can do is offer a few lessons that God taught us. I hope and pray that they will help you when you go through dark waters.

BY GOING THROUGH AFFLICTION, MY WIFE AND I LEARNED TO TRUST GOD’S WORD

Psalm 119:71 states, “It is good for me that I was afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes.”^[1] It was good, the psalmist says. While I would never choose to go through something like that again, I can honestly say it was good. I learned that God comforts in an intimate and inconceivable way. That was good. I learned that God’s Word did not change with my dire circumstances. At a point in which everything seemed to be unraveling, God was sitting on His throne (Isaiah 6:1). None of this took Him by surprise. Everything was going according to His marvelous plan (Rom. 8:28). It was good that I was afflicted. When I was separated from my wife, knowing that she struggles with both depression and anxiety, I knew that God was with her and would never leave her (Matt. 28:20; Heb. 13:5). It was good that we were afflicted. When we considered the fact that our little boy may not live, the treasure of our hearts was challenged (Matt. 6:19-21). Did we value our children’s lives over our God? Were we more concerned with our own desires more than God’s glory? It was good that we were afflicted.

God’s Word provided comfort during this affliction, and with this tool, we learned God’s Word better.

BY GOING THROUGH AFFLICTION, WE REALIZED THAT WITHOUT GOD, WE WOULD HAVE PERISHED

The psalmist writes, “If Your law had not been my delight, Then I would have perished in my affliction.”^[2] The psalmist realized that, without a loving relationship with God, affliction would have overcome him. My wife and I learned, through affliction, that God is the most important part of our lives. He was a refuge to which we would flee, whether reading His Word or praying to Him. The affliction was simply a tool that reminded us and continues to remind us, that God is the most important part of our lives.

We live great lives, enjoying our home, our church, and our family. And it is easy for us to become focused on those things rather than on God. Affliction reminded us, however, that God is the center of our lives. Our relationship with Him, given to us by His grace, is the anchor. We would have never been able to go through this trial without God.

BY GOING THROUGH AFFLICTION, WE WERE REMINDED THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD

Paul writes in Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”^[3] Paul writes all things. This includes that wonderful times, such as the day I married the most beautiful, sweet, and amazing lady, Hannah. It included the churches in which I served, the births of our other three children, the long walks with my wife, the sweet sunrises, the laughing and singing of our children, the lovely afternoon nap, and so on. Those are all good things. But all things also include those dark times. The times when you watch your sweet, practically perfect grandmother waste away through Alzheimer’s. The times when you have bills due but not enough money. Those times when you argue with your spouse. And yes, even those times when your child could be deathly ill.

As we waited for updates and tests, while separated from each other and our children, we learned on a practical level that all things work together for good. My wife, as I mentioned earlier, has struggled with anxiety. Yet, as she is growing in her walk with our Heavenly Father, she would write on Facebook, “Please pray with us that we will find out what’s going on with our little guy and that God would be glorified through this situation!”[4] We are learning that all things work together for good, even those difficult, life-altering times.

Thank you to all who prayed for our little boy. God has graciously answered our prayers!

This period of our life has been one of the most stressful. Yet, it has also been a season of growth. We are reminded of the preciousness of life, of the joys of being together, and of God’s sovereign rule. We are reminded that, even in the midst of this trying time, that God’s goodness has not changed one iota. We are reminded that His Word is a treasure trove of encouragement, challenge, and balance.

__________

For the study of affliction in Psalm 119, see these links:

A Study in Affliction: An Introduction to Psalm 119 and the Believer’s Trials

A Study in Affliction: The Sufficiency of God’s Word in Psalm 119 for the Believer’s Affliction (Part 1)

A Study in Affliction: The Sufficiency of God’s Word in Psalm 119 for the Believer’s Affliction (Part 2)

A Study in Affliction: The Sufficiency of God’s Word in Psalm 119 for the Believer’s Affliction (Part 3)

A Study in Affliction: The Sufficiency of God’s Word in Psalm 119 for the Believer’s Affliction (Part 4)

A Study in Affliction: The Sufficiency of God’s Word in Psalm 119 for the Believer’s Affliction (Part 5)

A Study in Affliction: The Sufficiency of God’s Word in Psalm 119 for the Believer’s Affliction (Part 6)

A Study in Affliction: The Sufficiency of God’s Word in Psalm 119 for the Believer’s Affliction (Part 7)

__________

^[1] New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update (La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995), Ps 119:71.

^[2] New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update (La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995), Ps 119:92.

^[3] New American Standard Bible: 1995 Update (La Habra, CA: The Lockman Foundation, 1995), Ro 8:28.

[4] https://www.facebook.com/hannah.o.howell

How to Change the Life of Your Family: Part Four

Family Worship: Some Practical Suggestions

Over the past few posts we have examined family worship. We noted the important role that worship plays in the spiritual development of children in the Sacred Scriptures. We briefly mentioned individuals within history that continued to value this meaningful time. Last post we saw the three aspects of family worship: read, pray, sing.

For this post I want to suggest some practical ways you can build your family worship time. Please remember that each aspect adjusts to your situation. If you have young children, the time, depth, and wording can all be tailored to your family needs. Mature couples may choose to work through more significant matters. The choices depend on you and your family.

Catechize

Catechism was a tool utilized by countless numbers of Christians throughout Church history. Catechism takes place in many ways. One way is a question-answer format. For example, the Catechist would ask, “Who made you?” To which the catechumenate would reply, “God made me.” There are also structures used, found in different types of catechisms, which engage a certain passage of Scripture (e.g. the Decalogue), or a certain aspect of the faith (theology, baptism, etc.). The methods and materials are numerous, and one of the ways in which the teaching of the Lord can take place. (For a biblical defense of catechism, see Acts 18:25; 1 Corinthians 14:19; and Galatians 6:6. The word for teach/instruct is the basis for our word catechism. For catechizing children, I recommend Terry L. Johnson’s Catechizing Our Children: The Whys and Hows of Teaching the Shorter Catechism Today, published by Banner of Truth.

Memorize Scripture

The Psalmist writes, “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” (Psalm 119:11, ESV) We see in this verse (as well as the life of Jesus in Matthew 4:1-11) that Scripture plays a vital role in our spiritual development. One can implement memorization into family worship in a variety of ways. One suggestion is to take Scripture from the Sunday morning sermon. Another way to complete this is to work within the materials used for Sunday schools, Bible studies, etc.

Good Books

As time permits, you may want to work through good books. Biographies of Christians have inspired many believers in the walk of faith. Books written to clarify the Bible may also prove to be helpful. Topical studies may enable you to overcome a certain sin or to push through and receive victory. The possibilities are as numerous as there are books.

Now Do It

The only step we should take is forward. These are simply suggestions, and I would be very glad to discuss them with you further, should you have any questions. Regardless what you do, always remember to read the Bible, pray to God, and sing for his glory and our edification.

God bless!

How to Change the Life of Your Family: Part Three

In a previous post, we saw the lives of individuals like Abraham, Moses and the nation of Israel, Joshua, and New Testament exhortations from the Apostle Paul. In another one we saw men throughout history who either promoted it or shared their experiences themselves.

In this post, I want to share with you some practical helps that will, prayerfully, enable you and your family to begin worshiping our great God. At some point, you will have to begin! But be of good cheer, many people have shared their experiences in order to help you be successful.

So, what does family worship entail? It is really simple. In fact, it can be summarized with three syllables: read, pray, and sing. (For a more thorough discussion of this, I recommend Don Whitney’s book Family Worship) Is it really that simple? Yes! It really is as easy as reading, praying, and singing. In order to help you though, I want to share some practical suggestions for each one.

Read

We begin by simply reading the Scripture. Depending on the age of your family (for instance, if you have little ones) you will determine what you will read. If you are a couple, read through the Bible. Purpose to work your way through a New Testament book, or a narrative in the Old Testament. If you are a family with young children, use a children’s Bible (I’ll share some helpful titles at the end). If you are entering the golden years of life, you may want to read larger chunks of Scripture. Whatever you choose, make sure it is Scripture.

As you have time, you may want to include books and other material. Working your way through historical documents and creeds can be quite enlightening and spiritually fruitful. Of course, the Scripture must always be found.

Pray

Everyone can pray. The father may pray one day, the mother the next, and the children in succession. Or you may want to choose a week for one member of the family. If you have children, this is a wonderful way to begin to teach them how to pray. No matter how your family worship occurs, make sure to pray. My soon-to-be five year old daughter is learning to pray simply through our time of family worship.

Sing

This may seem odd at first, especially if you have older kids (middle and high school students). However, Scripture is laden with passages discussing singing. Colossians 3:16 and Ephesians 5:19 both encourage disciples of Jesus to sing (among other things) spiritual songs. Family worship is the perfect place to “address one another…in spiritual songs” (Ephesians 5:19).

From a personal standpoint, this was what I dreaded the most. I enjoy singing, but I don’t really have the gift for it. My wife, on the other hand, does. When I hear my kids sing, it makes it all worth it. Find music that you enjoy and that is God-honoring, and then simply sing!

Some Suggestions

Many people think they must prepare lessons or materials ahead of time. This is not the case. If you are a couple, or have older children, simply reading through Scripture and offering a few comments is acceptable. If you have young children, I recommend one of the following:

The Big Picture Story Bible by David Helm
Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name Sally Lloyd-Jones
Gospel Story Bible: Discovering Jesus in the Old and New Testaments Marty Machowski

Finally, let me leave you with three suggestions Whitney offers:

1. Brevity- be brief! A good average to follow is ten minutes.
2. Regularity- keep it going! Make this a commitment every night.
3. Flexibility- be supple! While maintaining consistency, do not be too rigid. Change up the time, the material, or whatever needs your family has. (taken from Don Whitney’s Family Worship, pages 50-51)

We will discuss some specific challenges and questions in the next post on this topic. I am praying that you will begin worshiping God as a family now!

Church or Family: Who Develops Children?

(Photo by Martin Kníže on Unsplash)

A vital question that every parent and guardian must ask is, “Who is the primary spiritual director for my children?” The answer to that question will have profound impact on your daily life. Typically, we see two places, or institutions if you will, where the spiritual development of children takes place: the Church and the home.

The Church, of course, is the meeting place of the people of God. We will go with Edward Hiscox’s definition of what a Church is, “A Christian Church is a company of regenerate persons, baptized on a profession of faith in Christ; united in covenant for worship, instruction, the observance of Christian ordinances, and for such service as the gospel requires; recognizing and accepting Christ as their supreme Lord and Lawgiver, and taking His Word as their only and sufficient rule of faith and practice in all matters of conscience and religion.” (Edward T. Hiscox, Principles and Practices for Baptist Churches, page 20) Hiscox’s wordy definition includes with it the idea of teaching and instruction. One of the main functions of the Church, then, is to teach individuals about the doctrines and practices of a Christian. (For a thorough treatment on the subject of the Church, see James Bannerman’s classic work, The Church of Christ: A Treatise on the Nature, Powers, Ordinances, Discipline, and Government of the Christian Church. Not only does he provide a detailed look at the subject, but he also provides an enormous amount of Scripture.)

The home, according to Scripture, is the very first institution which God created (see Genesis 1:26-30). In God’s initial creation, humanity was to procreate and cultivate the earth. Along with those two goals, the communication of God’s revealed truth existed as well. Notice particularly, God’s command concerning the tree (see Genesis 2:15-17). This would have been vital to pass on to Adam and Eve’s children. When we enter into the time of Abraham we see a commendable description given by God. God acknowledges that Abraham would transmit God’s truth to his children (see Genesis 18:19). During the Mosaic Law the home was to be the primary place of spiritual development (see Deuteronomy 6:6-9). Even the New Testament addresses the role of the home in the development of the spiritual life (see Ephesians 6:4).

Now, there are two statements that we can deduce from these thoughts:

The Church is not the home. The home is not the church.

These two statements seem to be self-explanatory. Most people that I talk with agree with each statement, at least in theory. Practically speaking, however, we do not believe either statements.

Today, the statements would read more like this, The Church is primary place of the spiritual development of my children.

Now, parents and guardians generally believe they are the primary developers of their children’s faith (for more detailed information about this, check out Barna). There are several reasons that parents do not engage in this life-changing endeavor. That will be the topic of our article today.

1. Parents and guardians do not feel adequate to develop their children spiritually.

   The research of Barna concludes, “The survey data indicate that parents generally rely upon their church to do all of the religious training their children will receive. Parents are not so much unwilling to provide more substantive training to their children as they are ill-equipped to do such work.” (Barna) Parents and guardians may not have received the training during their own childhood, so the practical side does not exist. Churches have failed to help train and educate parents and guardians to develop their home into a greenhouse for spiritual growth. Parents and guardians have failed to seek out opportunities to learn more about this as well.

2. Parents and guardians see the Church as the institution to develop their children spiritually.

   We return to Barna’s research yet again. When I mentioned that in practice parents and guardians believe the Church is the primary institution the research backs this up. Consider the following, “Related research, however, revealed that a majority of parents do not spend any time during a typical week discussing religious matters or studying religious materials with their children. However, about two out of three parents of children 12 or younger attend religious services at least once a month and generally take their children with them. Most of those parents are willing to let their church or religious center provide all of the direct religious teaching and related religious experiences that their children receive.” (Barna)

   Did you catch that? “The majority of parents do not spend any time during a typical week discussing religious matters or studying religious materials with their children.” (emphasis mine) This statement, besides being incredibly sad, reveals the truth that parents and guardians do not see their role to develop their children spiritually. The Church has accommodated to this by creating different classes, groups, and activities.

3. Families are too busy to develop their children spiritually.

   One of the aspects of our culture today (I am speaking of the culture of the US) is busyness. We are constantly on the go, active, productive. Consider this paragraph from research conducted by the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

   “Did you know that over the past 20 years, children’s free time for play and unstructured activities has declined by 12 hours per week? During that same period, time in structured sports has doubled, and passive, spectator leisure has increased 5 times, to over three hours per week. The impact this has had on families is profound: a 100% decrease in household conversations, a 33% decrease in family dinners, and a 28% decrease in families taking vacations.”

   In the past twenty years, free time has decline by 12 hours and structure activities have doubled. This, of course, has profound impact on the daily life of the family. If your child is involved in 3 or 4 extra-curricular activities, how will they have time to be educated in the truths of God? If you are involved with groups, book clubs, bowling, etc., every night of the week, how will you have time to educate your children in the truths of God?

These reasons are not exhaustive. They are also general in character. For example, a single mother working to provide for her children may not have a choice but to work extra hours in order to meet the needs of her family. I am discussing the family that consists of a father, mother, and one or more child.

 

In his book, Orange Essentials, Reggie Joiner notes the amount of time parents and guardians have with their children compared with the Church. He writes, “There are 8,760 hours in a year. The average parent has 3,000 hours in a given year to influence a life. The average church only has 40 hours in a given year to influence a life. (Reggie Joiner, Orange Essentials: Five Priorities for Building Faith in the Next Generation, pages 8-9)

Parents and guardians, do not shirk your responsibility to teach and train your children. The Church is a partner. We can work together for our children’s spiritual good. I have posted two other articles on how to conduct family worship. You can check them out here and here. This is the unique opportunity that God has given you.

How to Change the Life of Your Family

(Cover Photo by Ben White on Unsplash)

Family Worship

What is family worship? Family worship is a family gathering together to read God’s Word, sing His praise, and pray. Jerry Marcellino, author of Recovering the Lost Treasure of Family Worship, suggests the easy-to-remember Scripture, supplication, and song.

I want to share with you the biblical necessity of family worship. In the future, we will look at family worship throughout Church history, issues related to family worship, and finally some helpful suggestions toward that end.

I would also like to recommend heartily Donald S. Whitney’s book, Family Worship. This book is concise (it is only 67 pages), but extremely helpful in providing a biblical and historical foundation for family worship. I will review another book in the future involved with family worship. It is Catechizing Our Children by Terry L. Johnson.  It is a short book as well, but the content is priceless.

To begin with, family worship lives in Scripture. In Genesis 18:17-18 we read, “The LORD said, ‘Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do, seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice, so that the LORD may bring to Abraham what he had promised him.’”

Did you catch that? “…that he may command his children and household…to keep the way of the LORD.” That is family worship. Alternatively, how about Deuteronomy 6:4-9? We read, “’Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.’” Moses, at the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, lists out almost every aspect of family life. The households of the ancient Israelites thrived with family worship.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

What does the New Testament have to say about family worship? Paul, the famous apostle and incredible missionary, has much to say on the subject. In Ephesians 5:25-29 Paul connects the role of the husband and wife with the role of Christ and the Church. One aspect that I would like to highlight is in verse 26, “that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word…” with verse 28, “in the same way husbands should love their wives…” The husband, according to Paul, has the privilege and responsibility to provide the spiritual leadership in the home. This aligns perfectly with his exhortation in Ephesians 6:4, where Paul writes, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The father instructed his children in God’s ways.

Why should we engage in family worship? Because Scripture, which is given for our spiritual well-being, is saturated with it. Don Whitney writes, “…more importantly, God deserves to be worshiped daily in our homes by our families.” (Whitney, 14)

For Donald S. Whitney‘s book, check out Crossway.

For Terry L. Johnson‘s book, check out The Banner of Truth.

All Scripture is taken from the ESV.